5th miscarriage official

Well, it's official. I have now had my 5th miscarriage. I am so tired of feeling so completely and utterly defective that it's not funny. There are women out there drinking through their pregnancies, taking drugs through their pregnancies and they get blessed with perfectly healthy babies. I am doing EVERYTHING in my power to keep myself healthy for my babies and I never even get to hold any of them. To say I'm frustrated is an understatement. Why is this so difficult? And why does everyone else get it so easy? I know that life isn't fair to anyone but come on. Isn't this getting a little ridiculous?

here we go again

The cramping started about 45 minutes ago - just in time for my ob's office to be closed. I'm not hopeful that things will be ok but I'll call them in the morning to see if I can get in for an u/s. The way the cramping and bleeding are going, I doubt there will be anything to see tomorrow but I'll post anyway.

Bleeding again.

Chris and I had our first ultrasound today and my fears were put to ease a bit (but not completely). When we came home, I put away the groceries and took a nap. When I woke, I had a lot of cramping like I had to go to the bathroom - I had a BIG salad for lunch and didn't think much of it - but shortly thereafter, I started bleeding. During the ultrasound, the doctor said I had a corpus luteum cyst that had just ruptured (I had *that* pain as I was sitting pants-less waiting for him) and that I may feel bloated and have some discomfort from it for 24 hours or so. Of course, when I started bleeding, I assumed that I was miscarrying but Chris wondered if it couldn't be from the cyst rupturing. You would think that would've been a possible outcome that my doctor would have made me aware of but he was very late and rushed so perhaps he forgot? He showed us the fluid from the rupture on the ultrasound. Could that be the blood? I've been looking online and have seen more than one article saying that corpus luteum cyst rupture can be associated with bleeding but I still don't have a good feeling about this. Chris is going in for his wisdom tooth tomorrow at 9:50 so I'm going to call my doctor's office first thing when they open and see if they can get me in for another ultrasound in the morning to see what's going on.

Please pray that this little one will hang on - I don't want to have to go through this again.