The rollercoaster ride continues...

... be sure to keep your hands inside the train as it exits the station

I found out on Saturday morning that another friend of mine is pregnant. My initial reaction was anger which quickly passed and turned to pity, sadness, loss, depression. Thankfully, the spiritual fair was that day so I had 2 different readings and am feeling much better. Everyone keeps telling me that we're going to have two children (One of which was standing next to me during my first reading. That just made me feel so much more calm and peaceful.) so I have focused on being more peaceful and mindful and following the path that has been set out for me and knowing that in its own time, my life will fall into place in the manner in which it is supposed to. I really am very happy for my friend and I know she'll be a really fun mom!!! And it's not like we're REALLY close so I won't be constantly confronted with her pregnancy - I know at times it will still remind me of everything that I've lost so it will still be difficult at times.

So any of my friends who are reading this are probably thinking that I've gone off the deep end with this new age crap but I need something in my life to give me guidance and direction. I can only depend on myself blindly for so long and then I need some other insight. I had a numerology reading done at Stokesay as well and it was pretty amazing. I'm still very skeptical of people (one of my challenges - too funny!) and sometimes feel like they're just telling me what I want to hear but they all pretty much keep telling me the same thing - that I've a very strong person (duh.), and that I'm very psychic and am now on the right path (or making the right choices, etc. - the language varies but it's usually the same message). So, I'm going to continue to trust my instincts - about EVERYTHING - and do what I can to listen to myself (Does anybody remember the scene in Best in Show where the blond says she's waiting for another message from herself!!! I feel sort of like that - an idiot listening to another idiot!)

Throughout this period of depression, self pity, whatever you want to call it, I haven't been writing - journaling, yes but the book has taken a back seat. I'm going to make it a priority now so there may not be more than a weekly update post while I readjust my routines and priorities.

I've signed up for the motorcycle safety course and begin it on May 7 - Chris' birthday!! I'm looking forward to learning something new and I'm hoping that this summer may end up being a summer or Chris and I riding together! I smile every time I think about the two of us heading out for a scenic ride (on separate bikes for a change) on those days when nothing's going on!!

The Spa at Hershey was wonderful although we were at a friend's house on Saturday night and I had entirely too much to drink (surprise, surprise - my numerology reading warned of excess!!!) and my head was aching for some of the day. There were 14 ladies of harley there and we had a really nice time!!!

Ok... Off to plan the day. I hope you all had a wonderful weekend and will have a wonderful week as well! And did I mention that I woke up to snow on the ground this morning. It was just a dusting and I think it's just about all gone by now but that really was a shocker!!! It is April, right?

Lazy Monday

This weekend was very up and down for me. I spent Saturday morning getting the house ready for Easter and by the time Chris came home from 'work', I was tired. Having busied myself all week with Easter preparations, I kept my mind off of everything else going on in my life and by Saturday afternoon, with little left to do or think about, I ended up feeling very down. Friends were going out to the bar so we decided to go as well. We decided this earlier in the afternoon and when I was time to get ready, I really wasn't feeling up to it but got showered and dressed in my most cuddly sweater in case I needed its support! I felt like everyone was staring at me when we first got there but I eased up and ended up having a really nice time. Of course, everybody knows that I've had yet another miscarriage and I did a pretty good job of telling people that I didn't want to talk about it if I didn't. (That's real progress for me!) I drank too much, of course (I started lent a day late and figured I'd end it a day early too) and stayed too long but I'm glad that we went. Friends from Chicago were there and it's always nice to get to catch up with them. Especially since they were only here for a week this trip!

Yesterday was a wonderful day! I didn't go to church because, really, I'd rather go on the 'off' weeks when it's not so crowded!! I haven't been in weeks and a feel a bit guilty about it but I will be going back soon. I think this week starts my attempt to get back to my normal life again - gym, church, walking, etc...

But anyway, Easter was wonderful! We had 10 for dinner - all Chris' family since I don't really have any. I did a photo scavenger Easter egg hunt for his 10-year-old nephew which I thought was a lot of fun!! I hid the eggs *in* things and then took a picture of part of them (the knob from a drawer, handle from a basket, etc) and had him find them that way. It kept him busy for almost an hour!!! When he wasn't occupied by that, he and Winston were outside playing which is great because as soon as everyone left, Winston was asleep and he's still tired today! There's nothing I love more than a tired, cuddly puppy!!

My mother-in-law made the ham and scalloped potatoes; sister-in-law brought mushrooms, corn, brussel sprouts and rolls; grandmom brought fruit salad; Aunt Gayle brought (Panera!) bread and wine and I made tomato pudding, Waldorf salad, green salad, strawberry pretzel salad for dessert and I got a bunny-shaped ice cream cake from Carvel! Yummy!!!

Tomato pudding is something that my father made at every holiday meal and I just came across his recipe a few months ago as I was going through some of his cookbooks. His recipe is very similar to this recipe except that it doesn't use the tomatoes, just the sauce. I used to request this all the time but haven't had it since I was a kid so I took a chance and made it and hoped that I still liked it! Well, I did and so did everybody else! I think that may become a staple for holidays for me, too!

We ate at 3:00 and people actually stayed till almost 7:00!! Normally, that would sound a bit overwhelming but I was really glad to have the opportunity to just hang out with everybody and spend some time with people that we don't see often.

We've got an appointment with Dr. West this afternoon at 2:30. I've *almost* stopped bleeding finally (20 days is ENOUGH already!!!). I'm sort of anxious to hear what he has to say but I'm really afraid that at this point we're onto an IVF discussion which is someplace that I really don't want to be.

Anyway, I'm off to the front room to take the leaves out of the table and perhaps move it back into the dining room. I'll update about our doctor's appointment later.

Weekend roundup

Well... just as somehting to do, I thought I'd review my weekend for myself . On Friday, Chris and I stayed home and watched 'March of the Penquins' which I really liked. The cinematography was AMAZING, obviously, and the penguins were just too darned cute! Of course, there were some parts that nearly made me cry (especially when some of the poor little eggs rolled away from their parents and froze and died almost instantly - talk about evoking painful memories). I'm very glad that we watched it, though!

On Saturday, I went to the gym (yeah, me!) and then Chris and I went out looking for dishwashers. We're not looking for one just yet but wanted to see what was out there in our price range (Chris wants to stay under $400 for the unit itself). Of course, I really loved the Bosch that we saw at our local appliance store but the base model was around $600 so that's out of the question. (Have I ever mentioned that I have expensive taste!) We did end up with a new microwave so I'm glad to have that - our old one was VERY old, small and underpowered! I'll certainly have to get used to the new one - I've already overcooked quite a few dishes! Saturday night, we went out to the bar to watch the Eagle's game. I was just there to drink but I supposed Chris wanted to watch the game! I had entirely too much to drink and ended up regretting it on Sunday but I had a good time and it was really nice to be able to let go.

Sunday, I spent all day on the couch, watching the 'Monk' marathon on USA! Poor Chris had to go to the club for his weekly duties and took a nap when he came home 'cause he REALLY wasn't feeling well!! We had Chinese take out for dinner 'cause I didn't feel like cooking.

My friend Mimi and I went out to lunch today to Lily's on Main in Ephrata. Our original destination was 10,000 Villages but they were closed for MLK day . We had a very nice lunch so it was no biggie but the sign at 10,000 Villages said they were serving native american cuisine today and I was really looking forward to that. Oh well, perhaps I'll have to go down there by myself - afterall, it is only 25 or so minutes away!

So that was my weekend.