Nervous morning...

My temperature dropped this morning and I'm really nervous about it. I know that you're not supposed to keep temping once you're pregnant but one of my (very early) miscarriages was heralded by a temperature drop and ever since then, I just continue even if I get a positive. I guess that's probably not a good idea since one temp can make me think the worst! Anyway... I just have to keep telling myself that it's just one temperature (even though it's the lowest one yet) and hope that it goes up tomorrow = (



Like I said, I'm still charting and I realized that without my fertilityfriend ticker, you have no way of checking out my chart if you want! So here's the link to my FertilityFriend page. I did a pretty good job of taking it easy yesterday. I may have done a bit too much but not WAY too much!! As I was laying on the couch resting yesterday afternoon, I resisted the urge to get up and do things and instead started making a list of them!! Last night after we got home from the club meeting, I did a few of the easier ones and enlisted Chris' help for a few of the others. If we keep up that pace, the list will be done before we know it! I think this may be a technique that I continue to employ even when I don't have to take it easy!

So, that's about it! I lead a very boring life right now. My mind is focused on getting this pregnancy through the next 2 weeks and giving my body what it needs which, right now, might be a nap!

more blogger crap!!

I'm really getting frustrated with blogger not letting me post/access other posts/loading my flickr badge, etc. so I'm going to give livejournal a shot. Since I'm still taking it easy, it will take me awhile to move stuff to a livejournal blog but I'll be sure to post when it's all done!

UPDATE: I just spent an hour or so looking over live journal and while I REALLY like the site, it doesn't offer the sidebar customization that blogger does and I just LOVE all of my sidebar crap and can't part with it. I suppose I'll just have to muscle through it with blogger!

I woke up this morning at 7:30 (as always) and couldn't get back to sleep. I've been sitting in front of this computer since then and I think it's probably about time I took up my place on the couch again! The spotting has mostly stopped so today's mission will be to avoid the overwhelming urge to resume business as usual and do too much. I think if I use my flylady principle of 'just 15 minutes' differently and only *do* 15 minutes of work an hour, I should be ok! I've got a lamb stew to get in the crock pot and some laundry to fold but other than that, there's nothing pressing that NEEDS to be done.

Before I got out of bed this morning, I was laying there thinking about everything that has gone on in the last year and a half of my life. Isn't it just amazing the way that we change and grow and learn? A year and a half ago, I knew very little about pregnancy and babies and all the rest of the medical crap that goes along with it. I've had to learn SO MUCH in the last year that I think if I wanted to, I could become an OB nurse Of course, I'm just kidding. I know it takes a LOT of work to become a nurse but I'm just shocked at the amount of information that I have gathered over the last year. Going into a doctor's appointment now, I feel like I already know what he's going to say!

It's amazing how we seek out the things we need just when we need them, too. I know that after my last miscarriage I was looking for something, anything to help me understand what was going on and to get through all of my pain and confusion. I was amazed to find what I needed in an interest that I have long since abandoned; metaphysical, new agey kind of stuff. When I was younger, I spent a lot of time reading about crystal healing and tarot cards and psychic abilities. For some reason or another (probably at my father's insistence) I stopped learning about these things. After my tarot card reading in January, I've come to embrace this stuff again. I don't know if any of it really works or if it's all psychosomatic but does it really matter? I needed something and have found it, at least for the time being! Who knows, next week, I may need something else and find it someplace else but for now I'm happy. And I suppose that's all that matters!

Anyway, I'm off to take my rambling, sleep addled brain to the couch for a nap! Perhaps some pictures later today!

still taking it easy!

A friend stumbled across my blog tonight (hi, Jen! ) and I realized that I hadn't updated it in awhile and probably should!

We had our 2nd ultrasound on Thursday and everything still looks good!! (we saw the heartbeat flicker!!!). I've got a subplacental collection which pretty much means that the embryo borough into an artery and created a hematoma which is what has been causing the spotting/bleeding. It's nothing to worry about (unless the spotting changes to bleeding) and should hopefully disappear within 4 to 6 weeks but I've still got to take it easy so I'm on 'light duty'! No lifting over 10 pounds an only light exercise if any I'm actually leaning towards none!! Laying on the couch and knitting/reading/watching TV has become a favorite past time of mine over this past week! I've spend the last 2 days on the couch and my index finger on my right hand is actually hurting from so much knitting!! At least I've got the dishcloths made for Easter Dinner! (I hope to get to post some pictures tomorrow but we'll see how I feel!)

I'm glad we have our netflix subscription - I have a feeling I'm going to be using it a lot in the next few months! Today alone I watched: Bring It On (a guilty pleasure of mine!!), Bring It On: All Or Nothing (my newest guilty pleasure - i just LOVE Hayden Panettiere), Posiden (fair at best), pieces of Erin Brocovitch, SuperSize Me and Friday!!! I'm going to be a pop culture expert before I know it!!

Anyway... it's late and I should be in bed... even though I've spend the day doing nothing, I'm getting pretty tired. Chris is out with friends this evening so I get to sleep in peace - at least until he comes in and wakes the dog!

Still bleeding and sick of it.

Just when I thought the spotting had stopped last night, it picked back up and is almost like the beginning of my period. I didn't sleep well last night - I'm sure it was partially because of the spotting/bleeding and partially because of the worry. I'm so tired today and think that I'm going to just commit myself to the couch today and take it easy. I weigh myself every morning and am down 1.5 pounds from yesterday so I'm wondering if this blood had just collected and is now dissipating and that's what's caused the increased flow and "weight loss". I just don't know. This is so frustrating. I was just reading something online about corpus luteal cyst rupture and apparently, there can be more blood than I would have expected so I guess I'll just take it easy and wait till my appointment on Thursday to see what's going on. I really hope this stops soon. I'm getting really tired of worrying.

Anxiety and relief.

I've been trying to post since Friday and haven't been successful so I'll briefly summarize and if I ever get Friday's post to be accepted, you can read it then!!

I've been having one h-ll of a week. We went for our first ultrasound on Thursday and everything looked good - couldn't see the heartbeat but we didn't expect it since it was so early. Well, that night I had this tremendous (gas-like) pain and started spotting bright red no more than a half hour after that. Of course, I thought the worst. Got in for an appointment on Friday morning while hubby was having his wisdom tooth pulled and they said that nothing had changed (which made me feel a bit better) and ordered bloodwork. Vegged on the couch with hubby most of the weekend and was feeling better and then it happened last night again! The pain wasn't as bad this time and the spotting wasn't as bright but I still had a BAD feeling. I called my dr.s office this morning for the results of the blood work and my beta looks great - over 8,000 now - and progesterone does too - 36.67 so I'm very relieved by that. The nurse said that there was some fluid in my uterus that was unrelated to the pregnancy and could be from a corpus luteum cyst that ruptured on Thursday just before my ultrasound. Chris thought this could be the reason but nobody at the doctor's office had ever suggested it before now! Can you believe it?!?! You would think that with my history of miscarriage they would've let me know a little something like the fact that I may end up bleeding and it's nothing to worry about!!

Anyway... the nurse told me to take it easy until the appointment on Thursday so that is exactly what I'm planning on doing. I'm off to make myself some lunch and then read a book that's overdue from the library so I can have hubby return it for me tomorrow (taking it easy, remember! What a great excuse for hubby help!)

Keeping my fingers crossed that everything goes smoothly this time!

Bleeding again.

Chris and I had our first ultrasound today and my fears were put to ease a bit (but not completely). When we came home, I put away the groceries and took a nap. When I woke, I had a lot of cramping like I had to go to the bathroom - I had a BIG salad for lunch and didn't think much of it - but shortly thereafter, I started bleeding. During the ultrasound, the doctor said I had a corpus luteum cyst that had just ruptured (I had *that* pain as I was sitting pants-less waiting for him) and that I may feel bloated and have some discomfort from it for 24 hours or so. Of course, when I started bleeding, I assumed that I was miscarrying but Chris wondered if it couldn't be from the cyst rupturing. You would think that would've been a possible outcome that my doctor would have made me aware of but he was very late and rushed so perhaps he forgot? He showed us the fluid from the rupture on the ultrasound. Could that be the blood? I've been looking online and have seen more than one article saying that corpus luteum cyst rupture can be associated with bleeding but I still don't have a good feeling about this. Chris is going in for his wisdom tooth tomorrow at 9:50 so I'm going to call my doctor's office first thing when they open and see if they can get me in for another ultrasound in the morning to see what's going on.

Please pray that this little one will hang on - I don't want to have to go through this again.

First ultrasound later today

Well, this afternoon we have our first ultrasound for this pregnancy. You would think that I would be very excited about this but I've got a really bad feeling. Yesterday morning after Chris went to work and I feel back to sleep, I had a dream (three separate ones, actually) that I was spotting and miscarrying. I've had a dream with every miscarriage that I've had so of course, I'm convinced that this pregnancy won't make it either. On top of that, my temps have started to drop which is never a good sign for me. They're not low enough for me to be 100% convinced that I'm miscarrying but I'm really afraid that this won't end the way I hoped. I've always tried to deny my gut instincts in the past but they always seem to be right - except for the fact that I didn't think I was pregnant this time. Perhaps this pregnancy has got my instincts all messed up? I sure hope so because I really want to meet this baby!

Please keep us in your prayers if that's your thing - we need all the help we can get!

Believe it or not, we did it!

Well, despite all of my doubts, I had my blood work done today and the beta was positive - I'm pregnant! I can't believe it!! I'm so excited and at the same time cautious. I've got to go for repeat blood work in 48 hours which would be Thursday morning to make sure my levels are increasing appropriately.

Chris and I were on our way out to dinner with his brother, sister-in-law and some others when the doctor's office finally called with the results. They were in a meeting and couldn't get back to me till 5:45 or so. Luckily, I have our phones set to call my cell phone as well as the home phone so I got took the call as Chris drove. I was shocked when the nurse told me the beta was positive and gave Chris the thumbs up even though he had no idea what it was for - up until yesterday, I was positive that I wasn't pregnant. She said my beta was 151 (low but it's very early) and progesterone was 33 - both very good! I'm headed to fertility friend right now to record my numbers and compare them to my last pregnancy! (probably shouldn't compare the two but can't help it!) Anyway, by now I'm sure I'm just rambling on but I really am excited! (did I mention that yet?)

Let's pray this one sticks!
Krista