5th miscarriage official

Well, it's official. I have now had my 5th miscarriage. I am so tired of feeling so completely and utterly defective that it's not funny. There are women out there drinking through their pregnancies, taking drugs through their pregnancies and they get blessed with perfectly healthy babies. I am doing EVERYTHING in my power to keep myself healthy for my babies and I never even get to hold any of them. To say I'm frustrated is an understatement. Why is this so difficult? And why does everyone else get it so easy? I know that life isn't fair to anyone but come on. Isn't this getting a little ridiculous?