Brief overview of the past week

I've copied the entries from my babycrowd.com journal below for a brief overview of the last week.

2007-01-05 (7 weeks pregnant)
Friday (5:00 p.m.)

Weirdest doctor's appointment EVER!
I just got back from the *weirdest* doctor's appointment that I believe I have ever had. The office had me see the 'new guy' since my doctor was only in this morning. First was the exam. He said that my cervix was not dialated and there was only a little bit of pink mucus. (glimmer of hope) Next was the ultrasound. The tech said she could not find a heartbeat (we had seen a flicker on Tuesday) so hubby and I prepared for the miscarriage speech. When we went into the doctor's office, though, he didn't really tell us much. He said that the tech didn't see a heartbeat but that he would wait and see what happened if he were us. Um... huh?

Hubby and I were completely taken by surprise, of course. I mean there was a flicker on Tuesday and now nothing. And this guy is implying that things may still be ok? We never got a straight answer out of him - it was mostly along the lines of 'well anything can happen and I'm not really sure what's going on.' At that point, I said, ok, well, we'll wait and see and decided then and there to ask for an appointment with *my* doctor at the earliest possible time. When I was checking out, I did schedule another appointment but my doctor is out of the office till Wednesday.

At this point, there is a tiny little part of me that is hoping for the best but I'm not expecting it by any means. In my mind, I have already realized that this baby will not be living here on earth with us.

My mother-in-law (God bless her idiotic little heart), when told of our appointment asked,' well is she in the hospital?' (She also asked why I wasn't in the hospital this morning when she first found out about my pregnancy and the spotting!!!) When Chris said no, she said 'well, tell her to lay down, put her feet up and not to lift anything heavy.' As if I had been loading parcels for UPS all day and if I would only stop, the baby's heartbeat would come back. You just gotta love this woman. Where's that damned sarcastic smiley!

Ah, well... I'm off to have a slice of pizza and a nap - this day has just beat me down.

2007-01-05 (7 weeks pregnant)
Friday (11:00 a.m.)

so much for the positive attitude
Well, so much for a new and exciting and happy day. I just went to the bathroom and I am spotting. I can't believe this. I just got off the phone with the doctor's office so I'm waiting to hear back from the. I know the drill, though. They'll have me in for an ultrasound as soon as they can fit me in. I was supposed to go to hubby's work and drop off something that he forgot to take. Now I'll have to call him and tell him I won't be coming and will instead be going to my OB's most likely bawling my eyes out. This is SO unfair. I'm hoping against hope that this is nothing and the baby is fine but it's just SO HARD for me to even get my hopes up. Last year at this time, I was recovering from a D&C because of a miscarriage and I thought this year would be different. Life really blows sometimes. I'll be sure to update when I can.


2007-01-05 (7 weeks)
Friday (9:00 a.m.)

A New Day!
So I've already written this journal entry but it disappeared so here we go again

When I woke up this morning, I had a much better feeling about this pregnancy than I did yesterday. Last night, my 'symptoms' returned (sore breasts, minor nausea) just like they do every night. It seems like this is the norm for me - the least amount of nausea and tenderness in the morning and during the day and then it increases as the evening goes on. Poor hubby Usually by the time we're ready to go to bed, the thought of him touching my boobs is out of the question!

2007-01-05 (7 weeks pregnant)
Friday (9:00 a.m.)

When I started this journal, it was really just for me and I never dreamed that anyone else would read it (although I'm certainly glad that you are!) I was wondering if I would share this journal with friends once I tell them the good news (I've only told 2 friends so far. We at least waiting for the next ultrasound. More on that to come!) I think it might be neat for them to be able to follow the pregnancy - especially friends who I don't get to talk to all that often. But on the other hand, I don't want to mentally censor my writings just because I'll wonder what they would think. (I don't think that I would have been able to share the amount of nervousness and anxiety I felt yesterday if I knew someone I could run into tomorrow would see it.) I guess for now I'll just keep it to myself and my online friends! Isn't it funny how you feel much more comfortable talking about all kinds of gross/shocking/odd/difficult stuff with people you've never met!

Anyway... enough of my rambling. I've got to get to work - Today's missions are to take down some of the Christmas decorations, organize my scrapbooking stuff for a Scrapbooking Christmas party that I'm going to tomorrow, GO TO THE GYM (which I have let fall by the wayside since New Year's), and I'm sure there will be a nap in there somewhere!

Friday night is DATE NIGHT, so I'm making hubby's favorite dinner (linguine and white clam sauce) and we've got a movie to watch too (History of Violence - don't even know what it's about but it showed up from Netflix yesterday so we'll find out!)

Have a wonderful day, all and thanks for stopping by!


2007-01-04 (7 weeks)
Thursday

Nervous...
I've had a pretty nerve-wracking day today. We had the ultrasound on Tuesday and you would think that I would be reassured that everything is going to be fine but I think I feel even more nervous today than I have thus far. I had a dental procedure (drilling and temporary cap) done on Tuesday after my ultrasound and I just have this terrible feeling that that or something else may have adversely affected the pregnancy.

I'm on a dart team and we had a match last night so I spent most of the night in a smoky bar. (Another item on my mental list of potential miscarriage causes) I used the rest room before leaving and had more discharge than usual when I wiped and there was a minuscule touch of a tan color in it. I know I am being completely ridiculous (if you would've seen it, you'd agree!) but my mind immediately thought that there was no way this baby was going to make it! My breasts weren't tender at all - which they have been - and I've been almost preparing myself for a loss all day.

When I got home from my errands, I was catching up on the Trying_To_Conceive yahoo group that I belong to and saw that another member who is 6 weeks pregnant is feeling the exact same was as I am. I am so glad that I found that group because it's nice to know that I'm not the only one feeling anxious about this subsequent pregnancy and I've also received so much support from them.

I know that what will happen, will happen and there's nothing I can do about it. I just need to relax and take it easy! So I think I'm off to go knit something and perhaps plan on doing some yoga in the morning.

2007-01-03 (7 weeks)
Wednesday

Our first peak at our little one!
Yesterday we had our first ultrasound of the baby! My doctor is pleased with the way everything was measuring and we even got to see the little flicker of the heartbeat! This visit put some of my fears to rest and I'm really looking forward to the next ultrasound in two weeks!